I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
