mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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