She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
