Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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