Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You did what with his pubic hair?
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