The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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