oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He better not be in your backpack
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
