i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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