Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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