I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
