So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This house was built for laser tag.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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