so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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