Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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