Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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