you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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