She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
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You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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