just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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