this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
