I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I puked a lego.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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