wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
