Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
