Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
