so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
