I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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