i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
