Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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