Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
