Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
