mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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