I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
