I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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