I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
