he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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