saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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