Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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