i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
