She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
