I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
