thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
