I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
