You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
