I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
