wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
