She's JV to your varsity
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
