Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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