He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
