Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
