He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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