Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
