a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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