so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
