you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
