Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
a search helicopter?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
