my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
