he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
