Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
