Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
