You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
