a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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