After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
