hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your face is a jimmy john
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
