If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tornado booty call.. dedication
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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