I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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