we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
