My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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