Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
