you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
