he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
