Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
