I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
