My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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